London, October 14 : Forty-year-old literary agent Irene Vilar has revealed in her memoir ‘Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict’ that she has had 15 terminations in 16 years.

The woman from Denver, Colorado also mentioned in the book that she wanted to commit suicide during the period.

The granddaughter of Puerto Rican nationalist Lolita Lebron has been living a difficult life since her childhood days as her mother committed suicide when she was eight, while two of her brothers were heroin addicts.

In the shocking memoir, she also discloses that her first husband, an older man, thought children ended sexual craving.

And Irene had expressed her rebellion to his belief by not taking any birth control step.

However, she was scared of losing her husband so she decided to go for abortion.

"My story is a perversion of both maternal desire and abortion, framed by a lawful procedure that I abused,” the Telegraph quoted her as stating in the book.

"By the time I lay in an abortion clinic waiting for the procedure to begin, I would feel nothing but disgust and shame. When I left the clinic, I felt a calm respite, surrender. I always said to myself then ''This has to end.''

"A moment came when not being pregnant was enough motivation for wanting to be pregnant. Getting pregnant began to be simply a habit.

"If I wasn''t pregnant, something was wrong, more wrong than what was already wrong. I believe this habit formed with abortion number 9 and pregnancy number 10,” she added.

However, she married her second husband in 2003 and now has two daughters.

Earlier publishers had rejected Irene’s memoir more than 50 times. (ANI)