Life would have been very different with fewer misery makers that we ourselves invent or create. Here are some of the common ones:

“Others make me miserable.”

No one can make you miserable. You create your own feelings. Hold yourself responsible for your feelings and decisions.

“If I do anything, I must do it perfectly or not at all.”

Impossible to be perfect all the time. Do you unnecessarily worry about your performance? Do you sacrifice fun getting stressed about your goals? Perfection is a worthy goal but do not kick yourself for not arriving there. Perfection tendencies carried to the extreme can make you seem like a failure.

“I constantly criticise myself.”

Are you a relentless critic, always finding fault with the way you look and feel or the way others act towards you? Do you keep nagging yourself? Don’t. Replace criticism with encouragement. Give yourself a positive joyful pat.

“I always feel that I am carrying the world on my shoulders.”

Are you stealing responsibility from others? Do you feel responsible for others’ happiness? Do you take on other people’s responsibilities, then get angry when they do not appreciate all you have done for them? Stealing responsibility from others only cheats them out of a growing experience. Make a list of your needs and wants. Remember, the world has many shoulders to carry it.

“I’m always telling myself I should have done this or that.”

Are you obsessed with worrying about what you should have done? ‘Shoulds’ never help you gain anything but a lingering feeling of neglect. This negative mentality is just a way of punishing yourself. Guilt and shame do not produce much action. It only drains your energy and discourages you. So, move on.

“I am always apologising for one thing or another.”

Do you take the blame when someone is upset? If your roommate or spouse is in a bad mood, do you feel responsible for it? The person who is upset ‘owns’ the problem. Everyone has the right to have angry feelings, but you do not have to start feeling guilty for them. Strive for emotional wellness within yourself.

“I am really hard on myself when I make mistakes.”

Do you overreact when you have made a mistake? Do you call yourself a failure if your mistakes are pointed out? Do you feel that you are under attack and become defensive? You are human, so treat yourself with kindness. Forgive yourself. Move ahead with a positive attitude; take time out to laugh at yourself.

Ramesh Menon is a writer, documentary filmmaker and corporate trainer

Ramesh Menon/ DNA-Daily News & Analysis Source: 3D Syndication