Washington, Oct 7 : Actor Mickey Rourke has disclosed his drug-ridden childhood and the dark side of his life in a new book.

Rourke, who has penned his experiences in a new paperback edition of PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk''s book ''One Can Make a Difference: How Simple Actions Can Change the World,'' says his stepfather used to assault him.

Fox News quoted him as writing: "My stepfather used to crack my head just because he felt like it. He was big, very big, and mean. And he was physically abusive to my mother. I hated the f***er for hurting her, for making her afraid. For years, I wanted nothing more than to take him down. In our neighborhood, there was some community services center set up to give kids a place to go and to keep us out of trouble. That''s where I first found a speed [punching] bag. To me, it represented a ticket to manhood,"

The 57-year-old Rourke, who has also trained as a boxer, writes: "I couldn''t beat my stepfather, so I guess I started taking it out on everyone else over time. When I was an adult, I would fight everywhere, anywhere, for anything. Look at me sideways and you''re gone. I didn''t care about the consequences. I was drinking and taking drugs. But more than that, I was angry and crazy and ashamed of how I''d been treated. I''d been kicked around a lot, so I figured the way to fix this was to lash out."

Rourke says matters got "so out of control" that no one wanted to make a film with him and he threw away everything - his acting career and his marriage with model Carre Otis.

He says: "I don''t like to talk about it because I still love her, but when my wife walked out, she said "You need help!" and I thought, "F*** you!" She was right; I needed to change, but I didn''t want to change," he added. "But one day I looked in the mirror and I saw myself the way others saw me; I saw the armor and I scared the f*** out of myself ... Instead of going to a therapist and telling him everything, and I mean everything, it would have been easier just to go to a priest, leave some s**t out, then have him tell me to say some Hail Marys and Our Fathers and that''s that! In fact, I actually did see a priest for a while, a great one who stopped me from blowing my brains out. We''d go in the basement, he''d pour me a glass of wine, we''d smoke cigarettes, and then we''d pray. But I needed a shrink too, so I forced myself to go. I had to learn not to let people push my buttons, find out what was triggering all this rage, and stop throwing things away. I''ve barely missed a therapy session in over a decade, and that takes willpower."

Rourke admits that his six beloved dogs became his "little family" and gave a new meaning to his life.

Rourke writes: "I had to look after them and watch out for them, which meant I couldn''t do the things that were not good for me to do.... I was sitting in a strip club in London a year or more back. Some drunk guy came up to me and started to pick a fight over something he''d read in the paper about "those f***ing little dogs you got!" I asked him to be nice. He got in my face. I stood up but I didn''t do anything. The bouncers came over and put him outside. In earlier years, I would have done him in. It''s not easy not to react, but I work on it all the time. I''m a work in progress; every day I have to remind myself to keep on that road." (ANI)